I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
