Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This baby is an asshole
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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