if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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