I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
