one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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