Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
