Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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