grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
