She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize