he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I will be naked everywhere
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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