There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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