shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize