Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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