its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
