smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
