come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
