Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
