That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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