it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
