he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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