I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize