He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
