I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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