Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
