My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
