Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
