Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize