saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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