My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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