if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
