He disabled his match.com account in front of me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
