Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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