I've blown a few things in my day
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
