Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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