when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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