So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
