Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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