Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
no, he came in my armpit
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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