I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think a kid would responsible me up
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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