I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
