your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize