im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
