so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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