Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
