Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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