if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
