I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
