Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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