i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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