We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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