A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
