Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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