I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
