so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The uberlube is also flammable
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
