The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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