We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
