My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
