omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
