Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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