so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
