I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
