grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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