I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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