I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
