I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
