I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
