you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
